"The Poet Dating His Much-Younger Former Student": I can't even describe how great and funny this is. It might be better if we had one big, virtual circle jerk, because--admit it--the literati are really a bunch of closet sex freaks.

DAY ONE

11 a.m.: Am supposed to edit/critique a client's writing all day, but first decide to masturbate to pictures of my Grad School Ex's head Photoshopped onto Neiman Marcus models.

2 p.m.: New girlfriend of two months, a 20-year-old former student of mine who lives in another state, texts to say she liked the porn I sent her last night, and used the big vibrator I gave her, which was risky because she's home on break, and her room is right next to her mom's room, and there's no lock on her door.

Keep going: it gets better.