Finnegan's Wank (no, the apostrophe isn't a typo) is pretty amusing, though I'm partial to P. William Grimm's hilarious Finnegan-as-Dubliner moneyshot:

Finnegan sat in the corner, spent. He was sad now. The softest part was always the hardest part. He spit on the ground and looked around. He grabbed a dirty towel and weakly cleaned himself. A big fart let loose from his fat ass. The magazine he used was called Phoenix Park, and Finnegan made a note to himself to remember the title. It was a keeper.

The bachelor's apartment only had one room, other than the bathroom. The only sink was in the bathroom. Finnegan kept a hot plate on a table near the only door in the apartment. He occasionally cooked grill cheeses on the hot plate. He had never cleaned the hot plate. He owned two dishes, and he would clean them in the shower at the same time he showered himself. He owned one fork, and cleaned it with spit.

Through the dirty window, Finnegan spied a bird flying. He coughed once and turned away from the window. He lay back and stared up at the ceiling, scratching his belly. He imagined the two Asian girls he saw at drycleaner earlier in the day. They leaned over a sink, each washing a shirt. One was tall like a tree. The other was squat and short, like a stone. They were both beautiful. They were both perfect. Each time he jerked it thinking of them, he felt closer to them. Every day he felt closer to them.

Finnegan waited to get hard again. It wouldn't be long.

I had another go at James Joyce's Finnegans Wake last week, this time with Joseph Campbell's A Skeleton Key to Finnegans Wake, but Campbell's key left me even more confused than before. The jury's still out, at least until I can come up with a way to balance both books.

Comments

[Citizen Reader]

Hey Brandon,
This is off the subject, but have you seen:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/germany/7156536/Adolf-Hitlers-Mein-Kampf-to-be-republished-in-Germany.html

Sorry you're forever associated with "Mein Kampf" in my brain. I am remembering correctly, aren't I? You've read it or tried to read it? (You're the only person I know who's ever done either of those things.)

[Brandon]

Yeah, I've seen that. I've read the book in its entirety, too. And it's frightening. It gave me nightmares, and I had to put it down for a months. I say, go ahead and read it, but don't read the whole thing; the only worthwhile parts are the autobiographical sections. Hitler was full of shit, the way he used his book and his propaganda ministry to built up his fuhrer cult, but it's fascinating to see how the Nazis used propaganda to drum up German support. Interestingly, he didn't do anything different from what most politicians do during political campaigns these days. He may have been more vile, but as far as lying and trashing his opponents, you could point to any American presidential campaign and find eerie similarites.

[Alli]

Have you found any success? I'm a bit nervous about approaching this myself when it comes time. I might just read it, and if I'm confused, oh well, it is what I make of it. I haven't decided yet.

[Brandon]

I haven't had much success, no. I hear the best way to read the Wake is with a group. Everyone brings some of their own experience to the table, and it's supposed to make for some interesting discussion.

[P. William Grimm]

Brandon.

Thank you for the kind and gracious words.

P. William