"Brandon!"

"Amy."

"Do I have an annoying accent?"

I was lining up my shot--I'd already sank most of the solids, while Amy, a self-confessed "shitty" pool player, had left most of the stripes scattered across the table. We regularly played ping-pong at 2:30, but today, I challenged her to a game of pool. Don't worry, I'll be gentle. I stood straight and gave her my best "what the fuck are you talking about?" look. She was sitting on one of the stools, cradling her pool cue and looking completely bored. She kicked her foot at me. Her flip-flop went sailing over my head, and she laughed loudly. Then: "Well?"

"Who told you you have an annoying accent?"

"Everyone says it's annoying."

We've been friends for almost a year and I'd grown accustomed to her thick Southern accent. In Amy parlance, Brandon became Brain-den. Amy became Ay-may. Crazy became crahy-zay. No was broken into two syllables: no-oh.

I shrugged. "No, it's not annoying." I leaned over and once more lined up my shot. "It's just clear you're from the South." I took my shot. "That Southern hospitality." She was always bringing me food and, considering how thin both of us are, we always joked about appearing on The Biggest Loser. I remembered how difficult it had been to understand her when we first met. Now, her accent barely even registered. "You know who has annoying accents?"

"Who?"

"Fuckin Bostonians." Annoying enough for me to hate on any author, living or dead, from Boston. Annoying enough for me to swear off ever reading Henry James's The Bostonians.

She grinned and kicked her other foot at me. I caught her flip-flop, and she jumped from the stool and took her shot. Her pool cue clattered off several of the pool balls. "Fuckin Bostonians," she said.

Comments

[Citizen Reader]

I once sat next to a man on a plane who had a Southern accent, which I told him was beautiful, and asked where he was from. He laughed and said Alabama, and then opined that nobody ever liked his accent. I thought that was weird--I indiscriminately love accents. It's so nice to have something different to listen to, I think. Although people sure do seem to love giving other people shit about their accents. I still remember ordering milk (pronouncing it with a Wisconsinese "e" for "i," as in "melk") at a Chicago take-out place, and the counter woman said, "Melk? What the hell is melk? What're you asking for, girl?" And then laughing uproariously. Oh well. At least she had some fun at her job that day. To this day I have to think very carefully before taking care to say "milk."

[Brandon]

You'd love Amy, then. She gets teased a lot because of her accent. It's not subtle or "just a little there." No, hers is a full-on Southern drawl. I love it, personally, because it fits her--she's a really warm, friendly person.

Interestingly enough, she has family in Wisconsin, visits them all the time. Her main stomping grounds were Georgia and South Carolina. Should tell you a bit about her personality and accent.

[J.S. Peyton]

All of my East Coast friends like giving me crap about my Midwestern accent. I'll say something innocent like, "I need to do my hair." And they'll say, "You need to what?! Your 'hur'? What's that?" I'll give them shit back though. Especially to my Baltimore friends who pronounce "bed" 'bid' and "frog" 'frug'.

What gets me is their instance that southern and Midwestern accents are the same. They are not! I don't have anything against Southern accents, but I have family in the South and we do not sound the same.

BTW, BiblioGuy hates everything about Boston, including their accents. Boston accents don't bother me, but I once had a class with talkative girl who had a thick Bronx accent. Every time she talked, which was a lot, I wanted to strangle her.

[Lesley]

Ah, but how did she say 'fucking Bostonians'?

I apparently am starting to get a Southern accent, at least according to my Canadian relatives.

[Brandon]

I've been told I have a midwestern accent, too. Occasionally, when I talk fast or get excited, "mail" becomes "mell," or "What are you doing?" becomes "Whatcha dune?"

And Lesley, she said it in typical Southern Amy fashion, with hard accent on the second syllable of "Bostonians." "Fuckin Bos-TOE-nee-ins."

[Citizen Reader]

Nothing more about accents here, just wanted to express the wish that wherever you are in Florida, I hope you're avoiding stormy weather.